How Not to Make Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie once wrote a hugely influential book entitled How to Win Friends and Influence People. This technique was not in it.
I have someone who is (or rather, was) trying to befriend me. We’ll call him Friendly Guy or FG for short. Befriending someone with Aspergers is not easy. The rules are a little different. For a start, contact of any form is best avoided. Telephone calls are unwelcome, email an inconvenience, and as for visiting. Don’t even think about it.
So it was with a degree of disbelief that I had a knock on the door one afternoon and found FG standing there, having, apparently, just called round for a visit. Called round for a visit? That doesn’t compute in the Asperger brain. He might as well have napalmed the building, machine-gunned the livestock, and sodomised the dog. It would have been no worse (except perhaps for the dog). Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.
Not wishing to strike an unnecessary melodramatic note by dropping dead of shock, I punched my heart several times to ensure it kept beating.
As it was pouring with rain, FG asked if he could maybe stand somewhere out of the wet. Fair enough, I thought, and missing entirely the implication that he wanted to actually enter my house, I suggested that we stood under an adjacent tree. After all, the rain was marginally less heavy beneath its branches.
I reached for my jacket and wide-brimmed-hat and walked with FG to the tree. It was raining so hard, we were soaked by the time we got to it. FG suggested that maybe he should retrieve his jacket from the car and I agreed that it might be a good idea.
By the time he returned, his clothes were sticking to his body. I watched as rivulets poured across his head and down his neck.
I asked what it was he wanted and he tried to start a conversation. I say tried as it was hard to hear him with the noise of the rain bouncing off the ground around us.
After a few desultory words, he suggested that maybe he should go. Brilliant idea.
But if he only wanted to stay for a few minutes, why did he bother coming in the first place? Was it really worth getting all wet for that?
This new friend business is so darned weird.